incredible. taking everything I like from previous albums and expanding on it. on a novembers diet right now.
To see myself, to set the darkness echoing.
I’ve been reduced to an incompetent nothingness. why do I do this. why do I continue to do this.
I’ve been thinking a lot on a thesis.
in art, genre is follows the development of technology. in film, the development of shots and effects led to the formation of genres.
in recent years, there’s been a shift in audience to an interactive art - the ludonarrative. the technology itself is integrated into modern society however it lacks the recognition as art.
the genres of film works to reflect the audience, reflect life in a truer light. to evoke the three artistic proofs. there’s a suturing of the spectator to the individuals on screen. in the ludonarrative, the suturing is instant. the spectator is no longer just a spectator but is involved, immersed.
with this said, it’s interesting to look at the genres that followed the development. first-person shooters, survival horror, etc. I’d want to write on these in hopes that it can be understood that there’s a far greater narrative than that which is accepted in society.
I find solace in knowing I have a something being delivered. it doesn’t matter the content, just knowing it’s coming.
I can’t figure out the exact reason - I know it’ll be something I ordered and therefore something I wanted, but it’s more than that. I think it has to do with anticipation. as if I have nothing to look forward to recently.
I have felt as though I’ve been living day to day with no real objective or purpose in sight. it’s not a depressing feeling, it’s interesting. I guess there’s a need for everyone to feel anticipation for something.
there’s one individual I know of - not aware of a lot, ignorant and hardly tolerable.
there was an uproar when they made remarks regarding minorities. others were of course in shock and disputed the remarks. they were since deleted, but the instigating basis of the remark was reuploaded, this time with a remark on the uproar - stating that others were cowards for confronting him over private messages and not in the public realm.
social injustice on a level that one knows that if they speak out for everyone to see, they’ll be shot down. that there isn’t a ‘point’ in disputing it cause nothing changes.
I want to change this thinking.
it’s unbelievable the anxiety and upset I feel over others. some would say that in letting them affect, I’ve lost. perhaps a visceral response isn’t needed, but to do nothing, I can’t. I’ve decided to not stay quiet anymore.
I realize one reason for restrain is a status quo - that I let others be, and likewise. I don’t care for meaningless mundane association.